Living Without
by TheForbiddenAppleOfTwilight
Summary: Bella dies after giving birth to Renesmee.


JPOV

Bella's eyelids fluttered once more before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her heart stopped. I immediately started CPR and everything I could to save the girl that I loved.

I looked over at Edward who had a pain stricken expression.

"What the hell are you waiting for," I yelled, "help her!"

That brought him back to the present. He grabbed a shot with clear liquid, venom, and put it directly into her heart.

"Keep pumping her heart," he commanded.

I did as he said, as he continuously bit into her, feeding her his venom.

After at least ten minutes, her heart still not making a sound, I dropped my hands and felt a tear fall down my face, followed by many more.

"She's...gone," I whispered.

"No! No, she isn't! The venom just hasn't kicked in yet! It must work slowly on her," he exclaimed.

"Edward, her heart would be beating. It isn't."

"Move," he hissed. "If you don't want to help her, I will!"

"She's gone! No one can help her now!"

"You shut up, Jacob Black. You have no idea what I can do to help her!"  
"What?" I asked. "What can you do?"

"Venom," was his only reply.

"Doesn't her heart have to remain beating?" I yelled. "Doesn't she have to remain alive?"

"Get out, Jacob!"

I walked out of the room, knowing whatever I said wouldn't ever pull him away from her.

My knees buckled under me and I fell to the ground. My Bella was dead. She would never wake up. She would never smile, breathe, laugh, sigh, cry, _live_.

I placed my head in my hands and sobbed. With eyes blurry, hands shaking, and mind racing, I leapt up and went for the stairs, taking two at a time. I had remembered what had done this. Who had done this. It was that demon spawn that had slowly sucked the life out of her, and then just recently killed her mother. When I reached the living room, I stopped dead in my tracks and saw the thing curled up in a blanket, being held by Blondie. I hated her. Both of them. Blondie and _Renesmee_ deserved to die. They both just killed the one person I truly loved.

I slowly walked over toward them, planning how I would kill them. When I reached them, my head felt like it would explode.

Anger, flooded me. These monsters, acting like nothing had happened.

I growled at them.

"Oh, get over it dog," Blondie said as she took a bottle off the side table and started to feed it, not even bothering to look back at me.

"Get over it? Get over Bella's _death!_ Get over how that _thing_ killed her?" I yelled.

"Bella's not dead. She's transitioning," she said with a smile.

"No! She _died! _Edward is still up there working over her corpse! She's dead," I growled.

"She's...dead?" Blondie looked surprised, turning toward me now.

"Well, what the hell did you think would happen? That the monster, Bella, and the bloodsucker would all have a happily ever after?"

"I didn't know she would die," Rosalie said softly. "I never meant to hurt her."

"That's exactly what you meant to do! You hated Bella! You never cared what happened to her! All you wanted was that _thing_." I pointed to the monster in her arms.

"I never hated Bella! I would rather have died than have had to live like this!"

"So, you just let Bella, slowly die and when she took her last few breaths she had Edward turn her into a bloodsucker like you," I screamed. "That's better?"

"She wanted to be one of us!"

"Well, she can't be anything anymore besides a memory."

Rosalie cringed a little at this.

"Bella is...dead?" the little pixie asked from the corner of the room.

"Yeah, and these two are to blame," I growled.

"She can't be dead," Alice said shaking her head.

"Well, she is," I replied.

"Where is Edward?" she asked, still in shock.

"Upstairs."

Before anyone could say anything more, she was gone. I could faintly hear her footsteps upstairs.

Rosalie then too started to go for the stairs.

"Where the hell are you going?" I asked.

She turned around and cradled the small monster to her chest. "I'm going to go find Renesmee another blanket. This one's too small. Why do you care?"

That was when I looked down at Renesmee for the first time.

My whole world stopped and I didn't feel hate towards her anymore. I felt nothing more than love. It felt like hundreds of pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt whole, I couldn't feel myself anymore. I could only feel her. Her tiny little heart beat, her breath, the tiny fluttering of her eyes, and her smallest movements. I couldn't explain it, it was like she was part of me too.

"Well?" Blondie asked impatiently.

"What?" I asked, not taking my eyes off of Renesmee.

"Don't get any ideas, dog," she hissed.

"May, I hold her? Please," I begged.

"No," she said through clenched teeth. She then started to back away from me.

"Rosalie, I swear I would never hurt her. Just please, let me hold her."

"Why should I? The only thing you've been thinking of these past few months was killing her!"

"Why should you have been the one comforting Bella the whole time she was pregnant when you didn't give a damn if she died? Besides that was before Renesmee was born," I shot back.

"What does her being born-" she cut herself off with her own conclusion. "Don't tell me that you did that to her!"

"May, I please hold her, Blondie?"

"You mutt! On _her? _She's not even a day old yet!"

"I can't control it and it's not like that! If it were I wouldn't want to live! Like you said she's only a few hours old!"

"Explain, dog, before I rip your head off."

"It's not sexual love, not at all. I feel protective of her. I feel like I would give her my life."

"No sexually?"

"Of course not!"

"And you _don't_ want to kill her?"

"Never and I don't even like hearing about her death."

"I don't know," she said coming to terms in her own mind.

"Rosalie, if I hadn't imprinted on her, I swear I wouldn't have asked to hold her."

"Why should I trust you?"

"Because of what I just told you!"

"Fine, but one weird look and you're dead."

"All right, just please," I begged holding my arms out for Renesmee.

She hesitantly handed me Renesmee.

When she touched my skin, her eyes flew open to see what was wrong. When she looked up at me, she smiled and showed me a full set of perfect little white pearls.

"Renesmee," I whispered.

Her smile went away as her little eyes fluttered and she buried her small face in my chest.

Renesmee wasn't cold like I thought she would be. She was considerably warm, not as hot as me but almost. I leaned down and kissed her tiny head.

"Am I holding her right?" I asked Rosalie.

She laughed. "Yes, you're holding her right, but lean her head up a little more."

I did as she told me. It was a little uncomfortable, but it didn't compare to how much joy I felt just to hold her in my arms.

"Hey there little Renesmee," I said slightly bouncing her up and down soothingly.

The little girl yawned against my chest, exhausted from the past hour. Her little eyelids fluttered closed as she fell asleep.

A felt a tear slip from my eye. "She looks like Bella."

Edward POV

My arms continuously hit against her heart, trying to make it beat again. I leaned down and bit her once more, getting as much venom into her as possible.

"Come on, Bella! Live!"

I felt two small hands prying mine away from her.

"No," I hissed, fighting whoever it was off.

"Edward," her tiny voice said, breaking. "Edward come on. You have to let her go."

I spun around to face a heart broken Alice. Her face held a pained expression. One of loss, hurt, and desperation.

"No, Alice," I said, shaking my head. "She isn't! She isn't dead! She isn't!"

Alice nodded her head. "Yes, Edward. She is. Bella is dead."

"No! No! Alice no! She isn't! You're wrong!"

Her perfect, angelic features crumpled. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"I haven't even started our life together, Alice! She can't be gone! We have so much more to finish," I practically yelled. "She. Is. Not. Dead."

"Edward, I love you, and I need you to understand. Bella is dead."

I went back to Bella's side on the bed. "She just needs to wake up," I said quietly, knowing deep down I was wrong.

I stared at Bella, broken on the sheets. A few of her bones poked through her skin. Her stomach was torn open, teeth marks broke out on her skin everywhere. Her eyes were covered in blood, like the rest of her. She was completely nude, her hair, matted with blood, barely covered her chest. Her blood was mostly dry on her skin, except for the open wounds. Blood dripped down on to the floor, making big puddles. Her lips were forever curved into a scream.

It broke my un-beating heart, to see her torn like this.

Alice came to stand beside me, gasping when she saw Bella's body condition. She looked up at me with what I imagined would be tear filled eyes.

I nodded slightly.

Alice then looked back at Bella and covered her with the sheet under the bed, making sure you couldn't see her anymore.

I fell to my knees. "I love her," I told Alice. "I love you, Bella. I love you. I love you so much. So so much."

Alice fell beside me and pulled me in her arms, letting out whimpering noises that sounded as if she was crying.

I didn't want existence anymore. I didn't want anything besides to be where Bella was. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her. Tell her how much she meant to me. How much I miss her and how much I love her. I want to see her beautiful face smiling up at mine. I wanted to see her shyness as we made love. I wanted to hear her laugh, to hear her say that she loved me. Anything would be better than this. It was worse than being lost forever, it was worse than any possible punishment I could imagine.

I knew it was macabre, but I reached up and grabbed Bella's hand, holding it in mine. I felt her body go from her natural heat, to the chill of death.

After what seemed like hours, Alice stood up, after kissing my cheek. "Come on, Edward. You're daughter needs you. We need to go downstairs."

My daughter. That demon that killed my Bella.

Alice must have seen the arising anger flood my features because she added, "Don't you dare blame this on Renesmee. She didn't kill Bella. Bella killed Bella."

My face lifted to look up at her. "How do you figure that?"

"Because Bella knew the consequences of having her, but she went ahead with it anyway. Bella would want you to get up and go to your daughter. She would want you to love her as much as she did."

I shook my head. "I can't, Alice. I can't go down there and hold something that killed Bella. I-I can't do it," I said, misery heavily coated in my words.

"It doesn't matter Edward. You need to do this for her, for her and Renesmee."

With that she left the room, leaving Bella's corpse and I alone.

I didn't move for days, weeks, maybe even months.

Carlisle and Esme were the first to try to come get me out of the room and down to my daughter, but I didn't even respond, it was like I was in my own world. Even their voices were muffled.

The others all tried too, but I still didn't move. They would yell and scream at me, but nothing came through.

The only time I ever moved was when I rested my head on Bella's bed, beside her.

Carlisle tried to move her out, but when he did I almost killed him. After that, the only time people came up was when they made sure I was still even there.

"Edward, this is enough! I'm putting my foot down! Get up, let me get Bella's body buried, and you go to Renesmee this instant!"

This still didn't phase me. I sat their motionless

"Edward!"

"Edward, Carlisle is right you need to get up," Esme agreed.

"Say something," Carlisle roared.

"Bella," I whispered.

Everything went quiet, the downstairs and here in the room.

"Edward," Esme said sadly, kneeling beside me. "You need to let go."

With that she took my hand away from Bella's and held it tightly. She lifted me to my feet and pulled me to her. "Come on," she said encouragingly. She pulled me out of the room, my eyes never parting from Bella.

Carlisle followed us, closing Bella's room door behind him.

"No," I whispered.

"Shh, it's okay Edward. It's okay, let's just go downstairs," she said, pulling on my arm.

"Bella," I whispered.

"Come on, Edward," she said, finally getting me to move down the stairs with her. When we touched the bottom step, all heads snapped in my direction, including a young girl about a year old. Her bronze ringlets fell around her face and her brown eyes watched me intently.

I wondered who this could be.

I looked to Esme, questions in my eyes.

"We'll explain everything."

"It's about time you got down here," Rosalie hissed at me.

Rage fired through me.

"Rosalie! Stop," Alice growled. "Edward! I'm so glad you're better," she smiled and wrapped me in a hug.

I felt a little better when I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her back. Alice was the best sister I could have asked for.

She pulled back, smiling up at me. "Your eyes are black," she noted. "You're thirsty."

I didn't respond.

"I'll go hunting with you. We can go right now," Alice said.

"Alice, back off a little," Esme warned.

"Sorry," she apologized.

Jacob watched me, sitting in a protective stance next to the little girl who was still watching me.

She reached her small hand out to Jacob, pressing it to his cheek. A distant look crossed his face, he then whispered to her. I could have listened if I wanted, but I chose not to, I didn't particularly care.

The little girl smiled, elated, and tried to come over to me, but Jacob held her back.

Her little face went to a pout as she squirmed in his arms.

He finally let her go, giving up. The little girl smiled at the victory and started to stand. She wobbled a little, but soon got her balance. She then started to stumble towards me.

"Rose! Get this on camera! It's her first steps!" Alice exclaimed, smiling excitedly.

Rosalie quickly grabbed the camera from the sofa and started to record her.

"Woo! Go Ness," Jacob cheered.

Rosalie laughed.

Ness?

That's when it clicked. This was my daughter. These were her first steps.

I looked down at her, watching her make her way towards me.

I knelt down to her level. "Renesmee," I whispered.

I wanted to feel hate towards my own child, but I couldn't. I felt nothing but love. She looked exactly like Bella and I. The features were split right down the middle. Renesmee had Bella's big brown eyes, my bronze hair, Bella's cheekbones, and my pale skin.

She continued to stumble toward me and when she finally made it to me, she smiled, proud of herself.

I smiled back at her.

This made her even more happy than she already was.

I reached out and tucked a strand of her gorgeous hair behind her ear, and pulled her into my arms. It took her a few seconds to realize that I was hugging her. When she understood, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

I held her in my arms for what felt like an eternity. No one said a word as I picked her up and held her even longer.

Renesmee didn't seem to mind, as she clung to me with an iron grip.

She was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. From her freckles that crossed her nose to her pretty, white, smile.

She pulled back to look at me, smiling from ear to ear. She brought her hand up to my face.

"Wait Ness," a few people warned, as her hand met my skin.

I gasped as I saw images of myself with Bella's blood covering my face and arms. My eyes looked crazed as I lifted Renesmee out of Bella, cutting the umbilical cord. I then saw Bella's dead face looking back at me as she whispered our daughters name.

When she removed her hand, she smiled at me with questioning eyes.

I was speechless.

_What had just happened?_

"What'd she show you," Alice asked, a little excitement falling into her voice.

I blinked once before I answered. "She showed me her memory of her birth."

"She loves that one," Jake muttered.

"What-What _was_ it?"

"It's like your power, but reversed," Carlisle explained. "She can't read minds, she _gives _people her thoughts."

I looked back at Renesmee, who had a worried expression on her face, wondering if I would accept her. Her power was strange, but it didn't change the way I felt about her. She was still my little girl, and this power made her even more unique.

Should I continue?


End file.
